Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Seven.”

Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Seven.”

Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Six.”

Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Seven!”

Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”

Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a cat!”

A group of blondes was going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer.

A half hour later he gets on the intercom again and says we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though.

One of the blondes says “If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day, I am going to dial 911 and call the cops!”

A blonde woman is walking down the street, with her corset open.

A cop is approaching from about a block away, thinking, “Boy, my eyes must be going, it looks like that woman’s right melon is hanging out.”

As he gets closer it becomes apparent that it “IS” hanging out.

When he gets face to face with her he says, “Ma’am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?”

She says, “Why, officer?”

“Well, your melons is hanging out.”

She looks down and says “OMG, I left the baby on the bus!”

 

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation.

They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words.

She says, “I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent.”

They throw the switch and nothing happens.

They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.

The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words.

“I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice ...

CONTINUE READING >

A guy was running for an elevator and he stuck his hand in to stop the doors, and the doors opened.

Inside stood a blonde.

He said, “Good morning, which floor are you going to?”

She responded, “3rd floor.”

He pushed the 3rd floor button, plus the 5th floor for himself.

As the elevator started moving the gentleman struck up a conversation and asked the blonde where she was going.

She said, “I’m going to the blood bank on the 3rd floor; I donate blood once a week for $10 to supplement my income.”

Then she asked the gentleman where he was going.

He responded, “I’m going to the seed bank on the 5th floor; I donate seed there once a week for $50 to supplement my income”.

The next week the same scenario happens.

CONTINUE READING >

A guy goes to a house of call girl.

He selects a girl, pays her $200 up front, and he gets undressed.

She’s about to take off her sheer blue negligee, when the fire alarms rings!

She runs out of the room, with his $200 still in her hand.

He quickly grabs his clothes and runs out after her.

He’s searching the building, but the smoke gets too heavy, so he runs outside looking for her.

By this time, the firemen are there.

He sees one of them and asks, “Did you see a beautiful blonde, in a sheer blue negligee, with $200 in her hand?”

The fireman says, “No!”

The guy then says, “Well if you see her, make love her. It’s paid for.”

 

One day two blondes walk into a perfume shop.

The one blonde picks up a bottle of perfume that is titled “Viens Chez Moi.”

The blonde asks the manager what it means, and the manager says it means, “Come to Me.”

So the blonde smells the perfume and asks her friend,

“Does this smell like come to you? Because it doesn’t smell like come to me.”

An old cowboy has spent many days crossing the Texas plains without water.

His horse has already died of thirst.

He’s crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last breath when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old briefcase.

He opens it and out pops a genie.

But this is no ordinary genie. She is wearing a FEMA ID badge and a dull grey dress.

There’s a calculator in her pocketbook.

She has a pencil tucked behind one ear.

“Well, cowboy,” says the genie… “You know how I work. You have three wishes.”

“I’m not falling for this.” said the cowboy.

“I’m not going to trust a FEMA genie.”

“What do you have to lose? You’ve got no transportation, and it looks like you’re a goner anyway!”

The cowboy thinks about this for a minute and decides that the genie is right.

“OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink.”

**POOF**

The old cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen, and he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

“OK, cowpoke, what’s your second wish.”

“My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams.”

**POOF**

The cowboy finds himself ...

CONTINUE READING >