There was a man who had three girlfriends, but he did not know which one to marry.

So he decided to give each one $5000 and see how each of them spent it.

The first one went out and got a total makeover with the money.

She got new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the man, “I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much.”

The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and gave them to the man.

She said, “I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much.”

The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the rest.

She says, “I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much.”

The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money.

Finally, being the mere man he was, he decided to marry the one with the biggest breasts.

 

An elephant and a dog got pregnant at same time. In the space of 3 month the dog gave birth to six puppies. The dog took in again 6 month later  and in the 9th month gave birth to another dozen puppies. The pattern continued.

On the Eighteenth month the dog proud-fully approached the elephant and questioned,
 “Are you sure you are pregnant or just carrying the look of it? We became pregnant on the same date, I have given birth three times to a dozen puppies and they are now grown to become big dogs, yet you are still pregnant. Whats going on?”.

The elephant smiled luxuriously

and replied,  “There is something I want you to understand. What I am carrying is not a puppy but an elephant. I only give birth to one in two years. When my baby hits the ground, the earth feels it. When she crosses the road, human beings stop and watch in admiration, what I carry  is mighty and draws attention. So don’t you do any comparison because we are not mate anywhere.”

Lesson

Don’t be haters of those that have success, don’t be envious and do not talk them down if you haven’t receive your own blessing from GOD.

When two men have make love what position are they going to be in?

But what about when two dogs have make love?

That means that the two men are having lovemaking doggy style then what ways are the dogs having make love?

That means that the dogs are having an affair with the men to have make love doggy style.

A blonde once got lost near a river.

She traveled up and down it searching for a way to get to the other side.

She tried walking in the shallow part of the river, and she even tried grabbing onto a branch that stretched half way across the river to try to swing to the other side.

No matter how hard she tried she couldn’t get across.

After many failed attempts, she finally felt like giving up.

Yet, at the last moment, she saw a person walking by and decided to follow her across the bridge.

A blonde lady was driving down the road enjoying the scenery and the breeze in her hair when she saw another blonde woman sitting in a row boat in the middle of a field of wheat, rowing.

Hitting hard on the brakes, she spun the car around and drove back to the woman in the boat.

Slamming her car door she stomps over to the edge of the wheat field and yelled “It is stupid people like you that give blondes a bad name! And if I could swim, I would come out there and give you what for!”

A blonde buys two horses and she can’t tell them apart.

So she asks the farmer next door what to do.

He says to cut one of their tails off.

So she does. But then the other horse’s tail gets caught in a bush and rips off.

So she can’t tell them apart again.

She asks the farmer for advice a second time.

He tells her to cut one of the horses ears.

So she does. But then the other horse gets its ear ripped in a barbed wire fence.

She is still confused.

She asks the farmer what to do.

He tells her to measure them.

She comes back and says,

“The white horse is 2 inches taller than the black horse!”

 

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walks into a pub in Dublin She raises her right arm, revealing a huge hairy armpit. She points to all the people sitting at the bar and asks, “What man here will buy a lady a drink?”.

The bar goes silent as the patrons try to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an old, owly-eyed drunk slams his hand down on the counter and bellows, “Give the ballerina a drink!”. 

The bartender pours the drink and the woman chugs it down. She turns to the patrons and again points around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asks, ‘What man here will buy a lady a drink?”. 

Once again, the same little ole drunk slaps his money down on the bar and says, “Give the ballerina another drink!”. 

The bartender approaches the little ole drunk and says, “Tell me, Paddy, it’s your own darn business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why in tarnation do you keep calling her the ballerina?”. 

The drunk replies, “Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!”🤣🤣

This blonde cop stops a blonde driver and asks for identification.

The blonde driver looks all around in her purse and can’t find her license.

“I must have left it at home, officer.”

“Well, do you have any kind of identification on you?” asks the cop.

The blonde takes out a pocket mirror and says, “I do have this picture of me.”

“Let me see it,” says the cop.

She holds up the mirror and looks in it.

Then she says, “Sorry. If I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn’t have stopped you.”