During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asks the students…

 

 

“Students, If you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom. Michael?”

Michael: “Just a minute, I have to go pee.”

 

Teacher: “That would be rude and impolite! What about you Peter? How would you say it?”

Peter: “I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I’ll be right back.”

Teacher: “That’s better, but it’s ...

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No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said, "You should not be asking 6th graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!" With a sneer on her face, she then sat back down.

 Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" Little Mary's mouth fell open; then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she gonna get in big trouble!"

The teacher continued to ignore her and ...

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ARTHUR IS 75 YEARS OLD AND PLAYED GOLF EVERY DAY SINCE HIS RETIREMENT 15 YEARS AGO.

One day he arrives home looking downcast. “That’s it,” he tells his wife. “I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I couldn’t see where it went.”

His wife sympathises and makes him a cup of tea.

As they sit down she says, “Why don’t you take my brother with you and give it one more try.”

“That’s no good,” sighs Arthur, “your brother is 85. He can’t help.”

“He may be 85,” says the wife, “but his eyesight is perfect.”

So the next day Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law.

He tees up, takes a ...

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A Horse, A Chicken & A Harley:

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together.

One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink.

Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!

Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.

Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley.

Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.

Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.

After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!

Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to ...

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It was AD 1095 and all the good knights were leaving for the Crusades.

One knight told his best friend, “My bride is without doubt one of the most beautiful women in the world.  It would be a terrible waste if no man could have her…

… Therefore, as my best and most trusted friend, I am leaving you the key to her chastity belt to use should I not return from the Crusade.”

The company of knights were only a mile or so out of town when they noticed a cloud of dust approaching.

Thinking it might be an important ...

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On her first day at the retirement complex the new manager addressed all the seniors pointing out some of her rules:

“The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males and the male dormitory to the females. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined £20 the first time.”

She continued.

“Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined £60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of £180. Are there any questions?” ...

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Charlie was invited to his friend and wife’s house. They were eating dinner when Charlie dropped his napkin. He reached down to pick it up and he saw that the wife had her legs wide open with no panties on. Quite flustered Charlie excused himself from the table and went to the kitchen.

To his utter surprise the wife came in and said: “did you like what you saw?”

Charlie smiled and said “yes” he looked towards where the husband was sat.

“Well come tomorrow at lunch and bring $500 and you can explore the rest”, the wife said.

Charlie knew that he couldn’t afford to spend the night with her.

“Okay, but what about your husband?”

The wife gave out a little sigh and said: “oh don’t worry about him, he’ll be at work”

The next day Charlie turned up ...

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An Italian Lover, virile middle-aged Italian gentleman named Guido, was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blond woman.

Things progressed to the point where he led her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless.

After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile,

‘So, you finish?’

She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, ‘No.’

Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed.

This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion.

The s*x finally ended and, again, Guido smiled and asked, ‘You finish?’

Again, after a short pause, she returned his smile, cuddled closer to him and softly said, ‘No.’

Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reached for the woman yet again.

Using the last of his strength, he barely managed it, but they ...

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