Mrs Donovan was walking down O’Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty. The Father said, ‘Top o’ the mornin’ To ye!...
After World War II, an American soldier was going back to London from the front. He was on a very crowded train and was looking for a sea...
An American Soldier Was Going Back To London From The Front.
After World War II, an American soldier was going back to London from the front.
He was on a very crowded train and was looking for a seat, but the only empty one was next to an older lady, and she had her pet poodle on it.
He said, “Please, madam, I’m very tired. May I please sit here?”
The lady replied, “No. My precious little poodle, Miss Fluffy, is sitting here.”
The soldier walked the length of the train again with no luck,
so he went back to the same seat next to the same woman and said,
“Please, Madam, I have been fighting at the front for months, my feet hurt and I’m very tired. May I please sit here?”
The woman told him, “I cannot believe how rude you are! I have already told you that my darling little Miss Fluffy is sitting here.”
At that, the American lost his temper, picked up the poodle and threw it out the window.
An elderly man who was sitting across the compartment looked at the American soldier and said,
“You Americans do everything wrong. You drive on the wrong side of the road, you eat with the wrong hand and now you’ve thrown the wrong bitch out of the window!”
A farmer had 5 female pigs but times were hard and he needed a solution. A farmer had 5 female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take...
Smart Pigs, Dumb Farmer
A farmer had 5 female pigs but times were hard and he needed a solution.
A farmer had 5 female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another farmer who owned 5 male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.
The farmers lived 60 miles apart, so they decided to drive 30 miles each morning and find a field in which to let the pigs mate.
The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 a.m., loaded the pigs into the family station wagon (the only vehicle he had) and drove the 30 miles.
While the pigs were in the field mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant?"
The other farmer replied, "If they're lying in the grass tomorrow morning, they'll be pregnant. If they're lying in the mud, they're not."
The next morning the pigs were rolling in the mud. So he hosed them off, loaded them into the family station wagon again and proceeded to try again.
This continued each morning for more than a week and the farmers were worn out.
The next morning, one was too tired to even get out of bed. So he called out to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me whether the pigs are in the mud or in the grass."
"Neither," yelled his wife, "They're in the station wagon. And one of them is honking the horn."
The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely imp...
Mother Wants to Tell Her Daughter about Protection Methods – Joke
One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars ...
Who Am I – Joke
Every "last nickle" A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep hi...
Chuckle Of The Day: last nickle
Every "last nickle"
A father walks into a restaurant with his young son.
He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.
Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father
realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him
on the back. The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.
A well-dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman in a blue
business suit is sitting at the coffee bar reading a newspaper and
sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks
up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places
it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way,
unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of
the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first
and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses
violently and coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly
catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the
father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a
word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the
father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying,
"I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was
fantastic. Are you a doctor? "
"No," the woman replied, "I'm with the Internal Revenue Service."
Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she cou...
FRIED CHICKEN.
Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals ........very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.
I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most.
I told her, "Colonel Sanders." (KFC Fonder) Guess where I am now...
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