An elderly lady decided to celebrate her 70th birthday by spending the night in an expensive hotel. When she left the next morning, the...
Laugh of the day: Don’t mess with senior citizens!
Husband & Wife were watching TV when Wife said, “I’m tired, and it’s getting late. I think I’ll go to bed.” She went to the kitchen t...
Two Irish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat, and one says to the other, “I hear that the people in this country actually eat dogs....
Two Irish Nuns Have Just Arrived In The USA.
Two Irish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat, and one says to the other,
“I hear that the people in this country actually eat dogs.”
“Odd,” her companion replies,
“But if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do.”
As they sit, they hear a pushcart vendor yelling,
“Hot Dogs, get your dogs here,”
And they both walk towards the hot dog cart.
“Two dogs, please!” says one.
The vendor is very pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over.
Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their ‘dogs.’
The mother superior first to open hers.
She begins to blush, and then after staring at it for a moment, leans to the other Nun and in a soft brogue whisper.
“What part did you get?”
An elderly gent had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with...
At The Urologist’s
An elderly gent had an appointment to see a urologist who
shared an office with several other doctors.
The waiting room was filled with patients. He approached the
receptionist desk. The receptionist was a large imposing
woman who looked like a wrestler. He gave her his name. In a
very loud voice the receptionist said, “Yes, I see your name
here… you want to see the doctor about impotence, right?”
The heads of all the patients in the waiting room snapped
around to look at the very embarrassed man.
He recovered quickly though, and in an equally loud voice
replied, “No, I’ve come to inquire about a sex change
operation… and I’d like the same doctor that did yours!”
Bubba and Billy Joe were on vacation, walking downtown, window shopping, and they see a sign on a store which reads, "Suits $5.99 e...
Bubba and Billy Joe were on vacation
Bubba and Billy Joe were on vacation, walking downtown, window shopping, and they see a sign on a store which reads, "Suits $5.99 each, shirts $1.99 each, trousers $2.49 each.
Bubba says to his pal, "Billy Joe, Lookee here! We could buy a whole gob o’ these, take ‘em back to Georgia, sell 'em and make a fortune.
Just let me do the talkin', 'cause if they hear your accent, they might think we're ignorant, and not wanna sell that stuff to us.”
Now, I'll talk in a slow Texas drawl so's they don't know we is from Georgia."
They go in and Bubba says with his best fake Texas drawl, “I'll take 50 of them suits at $5.99, 100 of them there shirts at $1.99, 50 pairs of them there trousers at $2.39. I'll back up my pickup and...."
"The owner of the shop interrupts, "Y'all from Georgia, ain't ya?"
"Well...yeah," says a surprised Bubba. "How come y'all knowed that?"
"Because this is a Dry-Cleaners." 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👍👍🙈
The local news station was interviewing an 84-year-old lady because she had just gotten married — for the fourth time. The interviewer ...
The 84-year-old Newlywed
The local news station was interviewing an 84-year-old lady because she had just gotten married — for the fourth time.
The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 84, and then about her new husband’s occupation.
“He’s a funeral director,” she answered.
“Interesting,” the newsman thought.
He then asked her if she wouldn’t mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.
She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she explained that she first married a banker when she was in her early 20’s, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40’s, later on a preacher when in her 60’s, and now, in her 80’s, a funeral director.
The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.
“Easy, son,” she smiled. “I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go!”
A woman was at her hairdresser’s getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser,...
Joke Of The Day! A Woman Came To Hairdresser Who Was Jealous Of Her Trip With Husband To Rome
“Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded and dirty. You’re crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?”
“We’re taking United” was the reply. “We got a great rate!”
“United?” exclaimed the hairdresser. ” That’s a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they’re always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?”
“We’ll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome’s Tiber River called Taste.”
“Don’t go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s gonna be something special and exclusive, but it’s really a dump.”
“We’re going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope.”
“That’s rich,” laughed the hairdresser. ”You and a million other people trying to see him. He’ll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You’re going to need it.”
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.
“It was wonderful,” explained the woman, “not only were we on time in one of United’s brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class.
The food and wine were wonderful, and we had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on us hand and foot..
And the Taste hotel was great! They’d just finished a $5 million remodeling, and now it’s a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner’s suite at no extra charge!”
“Well,” muttered the hairdresser, “that’s all well and good, but I know you didn’t get to see the Pope.”
“Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I’d be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet us.
Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me..”
“Oh, really! What’d he say?”
He said: “Who screwed up your hair? 🤣😂
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