Our  teacher asked what my favorite animal   was, and I said, "Fried chicken."

 She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.

 My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.

I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals ........very much.

I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.

 I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.

 The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.

 I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.

 She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

 I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most.

I told her, "Colonel Sanders." (KFC Fonder)    Guess where I am now...

 

A donkey was tied to a tree.

A demon came and released it.

The donkey entered the field of a farmer and began to eat everything.

The farmer’s wife saw the donkey and was afraid that he would destroy the farm, took the rifle and killed him.

The donkey’s owner saw the dead donkey, got angry and also took his rifle and fired at the woman, killing her.

When the farmer got home and saw that his wife was dead, he killed the donkey’s owner.

The donkey owner’s sons seeing their dead father burned the farmer’s field.

The farmer in retaliation killed them.

When they asked the demon what he had done, he said:

– “I did nothing, I just released the donkey.”

Do you get it?

The devil doesn’t have the power to do much, but one simple thing he does triggers the evil intents of men’s hearts to harm one another.

So, let’s think before seeking revenge! Be careful with your heart, because many times, the only thing the devil does is “release the donkey”.

So don’t be fooled into fighting people, do the simple thing “with love tie back the donkey” and the devil is disarmed.

Today at the drugstore, the clerk was a gent. From my purchase, this chap took off 10 percent. I asked for the cause of a lesser amount; And he answered, “Because of

 the Seniors Discount.” I went to McDonald’s for a burger and fries; And there, once again, got quite a surprise. The clerk poured some coffee which he handed to me. He said, “For you seniors, the coffee is free.” Understand — I’m not old — I’m merely mature; But some things are changing,

 temporarily, I’m sure. The newspaper print gets smaller each day, And people speak softer — can’t hear what they say. My teeth are my own (I have the receipt), and my

 glasses identify people I meet. Oh, I’ve slowed down a bit… not a lot, I am sure. You see, I’m not old… I’m only mature. The gold in my hair has been bleached by the sun. You should see all the damage that chlorine has done. Washing

 my hair has turned it all white, But don’t call it gray… saying “blond” is just right. My car is all paid for… not a nickel is owed. Yet a kid yells, “Old duffer… get off of the road!” My car has no scratches… not even a dent. Still, I get all that guff from a punk who’s “Hell bent.” My friends all get

 older… much faster than me. They seem much more wrinkled, from what I can see. I’ve got “character lines,” not wrinkles… for sure, But don’t call me old… just call me mature. The steps in the houses they’re building today Are so high that they take… your breath all away; And the

 streets are much steeper than 10 years ago. That should explain why my walking is slow. But I’m keeping up on what’s hip and what’s new, And I think I can still dance a mean boogaloo. I’m still in the running… in this I’m secure, I’m not really old… I’m only mature! funny-grandma.com

 

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.

 She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. “Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?” “How about 50 dollars?” said the blonde.

 The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. 

The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?” The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.

” A short time later the blonde came to the door to collect her money. “You’re finished already?” he asked. “Yes,” the blonde answered,

 “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.” Impressed, the man reached into his wallet for the 50 dollars. “And by the way,” the blonde added, “that’s not a Porsche; it’s a Ferrari!

 

A man gets stopped by a police officer for doing 31 in a 30 zone

The police man asks what the man’s job is.

The man says ‘I’m an asshole stretcher’

The police man asks ‘and what do you do in that?’

The man replies in detail ‘we get the customers ass and slowly enlarge it by first sticking our fingers in, then our whole fist, slowly increasing the size by stretching, pulling and tearing slowly open until around 6 feet large. We then get paid.’

The shocked police man nervously asks ‘what would you do with a 6 foot large asshole?’

The man replies ‘They stickem on the highway with a speed gun’

 

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.

He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed,

Dear Lord,

“I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please create a trade in our bodies.” God, in His infinite wisdom, granted man’s wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.

He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to draw out money to pay the power bill and telephone bill, drove to the power company and the phone company and paid the bills, went grocery shopping, came home and put away the groceries.

He cleaned the cat’s litter box and bathed the dog.

Then it was already 1 pm. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.

Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.

Set out cookies and milk and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.

At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing greens for a salad breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.

After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed.

At 9 pm. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren’t finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said,

Lord, I don’t know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife’s being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back.”

The Lord, in His infinite wisdom, replied,

“My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.

You’ll have to wait 9 months, though. You got pregnant last night.”

 

A woman tries getting on a bus, but realizes her skirt is too tight. 

As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. 

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. 

She tried to take the step, but only to discover that she couldn't.

With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind herself to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.

After becoming quite frustrated and embarrassed, she once again attempted to unzip her skirt a bit more in order to allow more leg room to get on the first step of the bus.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"

The Texan removed his hat smiled and drawled "Well ma'am, normally I would agree with you... 

But... 

After you unzipped my fly three times I kinda figured we were friends 😉 Best of friends"

😅🤣😂

Joke From irish's Giggles & Fun

😅🤣😂

An 70-year-old married a 20-year-old. A year after the wedding the couple arrives at the delivery room. A male boy weighing 3.5 kg was born, healthy and beautiful. The nurse asks the old man "Yours?" "Yes," the old man replies proudly. "Congratulations," the nurse replies. "Well..." says the old man, "the old engine still runs!" Two years later the duo arrives at the delivery room again. A 3.5 kg girl was born, healthy and beautiful. The nurse asks the old man: "Yours?". "Yes" the old man answers. "Well done" the nurse answers. "The engine still runs!" said the old man. After two more years, they come to the delivery room again. A 3.5-year-old male son is born, healthy and beautiful. The nurse asks the old man: "Yours?". "Yes," the old man replies. "Congratulations," the nurse says, "that's really impressive." "Well..." says the old man, "the engine is STILL running!" "Well... says the nurse, "you may want to change the oil, the last one came out black.