A blonde lady was driving down the road enjoying the scenery and the breeze in her hair when she saw another blonde woman sitting in a row boat in the middle of a field of wheat, rowing.

Hitting hard on the brakes, she spun the car around and drove back to the woman in the boat.

Slamming her car door she stomps over to the edge of the wheat field and yelled “It is stupid people like you that give blondes a bad name! And if I could swim, I would come out there and give you what for!”

A blonde buys two horses and she can’t tell them apart.

So she asks the farmer next door what to do.

He says to cut one of their tails off.

So she does. But then the other horse’s tail gets caught in a bush and rips off.

So she can’t tell them apart again.

She asks the farmer for advice a second time.

He tells her to cut one of the horses ears.

So she does. But then the other horse gets its ear ripped in a barbed wire fence.

She is still confused.

She asks the farmer what to do.

He tells her to measure them.

She comes back and says,

“The white horse is 2 inches taller than the black horse!”

 

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walks into a pub in Dublin She raises her right arm, revealing a huge hairy armpit. She points to all the people sitting at the bar and asks, “What man here will buy a lady a drink?”.

The bar goes silent as the patrons try to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an old, owly-eyed drunk slams his hand down on the counter and bellows, “Give the ballerina a drink!”. 

The bartender pours the drink and the woman chugs it down. She turns to the patrons and again points around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asks, ‘What man here will buy a lady a drink?”. 

Once again, the same little ole drunk slaps his money down on the bar and says, “Give the ballerina another drink!”. 

The bartender approaches the little ole drunk and says, “Tell me, Paddy, it’s your own darn business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why in tarnation do you keep calling her the ballerina?”. 

The drunk replies, “Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!”🤣🤣

This blonde cop stops a blonde driver and asks for identification.

The blonde driver looks all around in her purse and can’t find her license.

“I must have left it at home, officer.”

“Well, do you have any kind of identification on you?” asks the cop.

The blonde takes out a pocket mirror and says, “I do have this picture of me.”

“Let me see it,” says the cop.

She holds up the mirror and looks in it.

Then she says, “Sorry. If I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn’t have stopped you.”

 

Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Seven.”

Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Seven.”

Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Six.”

Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Seven!”

Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”

Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a cat!”

A group of blondes was going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer.

A half hour later he gets on the intercom again and says we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though.

One of the blondes says “If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day, I am going to dial 911 and call the cops!”

A blonde woman is walking down the street, with her corset open.

A cop is approaching from about a block away, thinking, “Boy, my eyes must be going, it looks like that woman’s right melon is hanging out.”

As he gets closer it becomes apparent that it “IS” hanging out.

When he gets face to face with her he says, “Ma’am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?”

She says, “Why, officer?”

“Well, your melons is hanging out.”

She looks down and says “OMG, I left the baby on the bus!”

 

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation.

They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words.

She says, “I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent.”

They throw the switch and nothing happens.

They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.

The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words.

“I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice ...

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