An Italian Lover, virile middle-aged Italian gentleman named Guido, was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blond woman.

Things progressed to the point where he led her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless.

After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile,

‘So, you finish?’

She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, ‘No.’

Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed.

This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion.

The s*x finally ended and, again, Guido smiled and asked, ‘You finish?’

Again, after a short pause, she returned his smile, cuddled closer to him and softly said, ‘No.’

Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reached for the woman yet again.

Using the last of his strength, he barely managed it, but they ...

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Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this one!. 

Did you hear about the Preschool teacher who was helping one of the children put on his boots?. 

He asked for help and she could see why.

Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on.

By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said, "Miss, they're on the wrong feet."
She looked, and sure enough, they were.
It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on.

She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet.

He then announced, "These aren't my boots." She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, 'Why didn't you say so?' like she wanted to.

Once again, she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet.
No sooner had they gotten ...

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A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday.

She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.

 A Wal-Mart associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes." She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. Test line. It's a good all around combination; and it's on sale this week for only $20.00."

She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

"Oh, that sounds like a Master Card," he says. She bends down to pick it up and accidentally breaks wind. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.

The man rings up the sale and says ...

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At Penn State University, there were four sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an ‘A’ so far. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Penn State until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final.

 The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam.

The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought! ...

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A pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a raise.
After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the pastor's family expanded, so would his paycheck.
After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the pastor's expanding salary.
A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the pastor's additional children were costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost.
After listening to them ...

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Little Johnny had a foul mouth.

His mother was at the end of her wit.

Not knowing what to do, she went to the local Church to counsel with the Priest.

“Father, my little boy is a darling but he has a wicked habit of saying nasty words. I don’t know where he learnt them but he says things that would make a sailor blush! What do I do?”

“Well, do you give him an allowance?”

“Yes, ten dollars. Should I take his allowance?”

“No, that would cause more harm than good. Instead, you will tell him that, for every bad word he says, you will deduct a penny from his allowance. At the end of the month, he will donate the deducted money to the Church as a way to ask for forgiveness. That will teach him the consequences of his actions and also value his money.”

The mother was glad about the plan and did so. At the end of the month, little Johnny came to the Church to pay for his language.

“So, my son,” said the Priest...

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A senior doing useful things with her time

Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again asking why I didn’t do something useful with my time……….

Like sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good thing.

Talking about my “doing something useful” seems to be her favourite topic of conversation.

She was “only thinking of me” and suggested I go down to the senior centre and hang out with the guys.

I did this and when I got home last night I decided to teach her a lesson about staying out of my business.

I e-mailed her and told her that I had joined a parachute club.

She replied ...

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