Three women, two younger, and one senior citizen were sitting naked in a sauna:

Suddenly there was a beeping sound.

The young woman pressed her forearm and the beep stopped.

The others looked at her questioningly.

“That was my pager.” She said. “I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.”

A few minutes later, a phone rang.

The second young woman lifted her palm to her ear.

When she finished, she explained.

“That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand.”

The older woman felt very low-tech.

Not to be outdone, she decided ...

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Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School. Usually she slept through the class.

One day the Nun called on her while she was sleeping. "Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?"

When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty!" shouted Mary Margaret.

The Nun said, "Very good" and continued teaching her class. A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, "Who is our Lord and Savior?"

But Mary didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt. "Jesus Christ!!!" shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun once again said, "Very good," and Mary Margaret fell back asleep.

The Nun asked her ...

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One day a blond went out to check her mail box.
There was nothing in it.
Her neighbor who was also out there gives her a weird look.
An hour later she goes back out to her mailbox and goes back in cause there was nothing in it and her neighbor goes "What the hell is she doing?" An hour later she goes back out side and looks in the mailbox and there is nothing in it.
Finally the neighbor ...

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 The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow just across the state line in Illinois for $200.

They brought the cow from Illinois and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were very happy.

They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.

They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do.

They told the Vet what was happening. “Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An attempt from the side, she walks away to the other side.”

The Vet thought about ...

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Two men were having a slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course.

They didn’t bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette.

After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man said:

“I think I’ll walk up there and ask those gals to let us play through.”

He walked out the fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stopped, turned around, and came back, explaining:

“I can’t do it. One of those women is my wife and ...

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Granny went to the bank to deposit her $1M

She was greeted by the Bank Manager.

Manager: “Good morning, ma’am! That’s quite a fortune. May I ask where did it come from?”

Granny: “I have a knack for gambling. These are my winnings.”

M: “I have no doubt. However, our policies prevent us from accepting it due to anti-money-laundering laws.’

G: “Don’t fret, I understand, good sir. How about a bet?”

M: “I’m sorry?”

G: “I’d bet a million dollars that your balls are squared. Like two cubes in a b@lls@ck.”

M: “That’s nonsense! Well, okay. I accept. 1 million dollars.”

G: “Very well, I’ll come by tomorrow with my money & lawyer to have a look at those b@11s.”

The bank manager rushed home to double-check and inspect his testicles in the mirror. With full confidence, he can’t wait to claim his easy money.

The next day, at the ...

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The little Johnny is lying in bed, busting to go to the toilet.

So he gets out of bed, runs downstairs into the living room, and finds his mother chatting to a bunch of her friends.

“MUM,” Little Johnny yells at the top of his voice,

“I GOTTA PISS! I GOTTA PISS!”

Well, needless to say, the mother is mortified at her son’s language in front of her guests and scolds the young boy.

“Johnny, we do NOT shout that kind of language in front of mummy’s guests! Next time, just whisper, okay?”

The little boy nods sheepishly.

His mum takes him to the bathroom and tucks him back into bed.

The next night, little Johnny is busting to go to the toilet again.

So he gets out of bed, runs downstairs into the living room, and there is his mother, having a glass of wine with her friends....

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A woman came running up to her husband in the driveway as he came home from work just jumping for joy.

He didn’t know why she was jumping for joy but thought,

“What the heck, and started jumping up and down with her.”

She said, “Honey, I have some really great news for you!”

He said, “Great, tell me what you’re so happy about!”

She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down when she told him that she was pregnant!

He kissed her and told her,

“That’s great! I couldn’t be happier!”

Then, she said, “Oh, honey, there’s more!”

He asked, “What do you mean, ‘more?’”

She said ...

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